In Praise of Older Women

Feast your eyes upon me, I'm anti-cellulite,
I lollop on the collagen, and re-hydrate at night.
Go on, have a good look, I don't mind if you stare,
I'm using Agent Orange, to removc unwanted hair.
I am mighty clever, I have a degree,
A First in liposuction, Enzyme technology,
Ceramide and Liposomes, a polyfilla pack,
To stay firm is my war-cry, no slack, no slack, no slack.

Look what I'm achieving, I work assiduously,
Given subtle lighting, I could feature on page 3.
I won't be heard assuming, my looks are down to luck,
It's grooming, grooming, grooming,
And once a week .........a pluck.

I buff up in the shower, and then ex-foliate,
I stick a hose into my bum, to colon irrigate.
I'm full of self-assurance, and very finely honed,
I am near perfection, with every muscle toned.
I have just one aim in life, my sole priority,
Every day I concentrate, on me, me, me.
I had a little hiccup, but coped quite easily,
Now I'm Tena Lady, discreet and odour free.
My research is quite arduous, the Internet I surf it,
I buy a lot of L'Oreal, and that's because I'm worth it.

I'm standing here before you, and I am living proof,
Rejuvenating creams work, the adverts tell the truth.
Look at me and marvel, for I am ninety-two,
And I'm not telling porkies,
it's true, it's true, IT'S TRUE.